Tag Archives: facebook

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7 signs you shouldn’t put that on Facebook

So before you post that video, meme, or selfie onFacebook (or Twitter, or Instagram, or Tumblr, and let’s consider avoiding Snapchat completely), ask yourself whether it fits one or more of the criteria outlined below. Because nobody ever regretted notuploading something for the entire world to see, and you may well save yourself a load of grief down the line.

1) It’s evidence of a crime you committed.

Nary a day goes by anymore without a story about idiot thieves accidentally outing themselves with a photo taken on a stolen device—at this point, such cases are barely worth reporting. We get that you’re excited to play with your ill-gotten toy, but one of the neat things about iPhones is that they’re connected to the iCloud, and if that service can’t keep Jennifer Lawrence’s nudes secure, well, what hope is there for you? (Likewise, try to refrain from providing proof that you are in a ganggrow weedget minors drunk, or torture animals.)

2) It’s hate speech.

Facebook isn’t a Ku Klux Klan rally, no matter how much white people love it, and trust us, you’re not impressing anyone but your crotchety great-uncle when you drop the n-word. In fact, with each pointless hateful comment, more and more of your “friends” are silently blocking you from appearing in their news feeds, until at last one day you are simply screaming into the void, with no one to answer—as fitting a punishment as we can imagine. Also, your insecurity is showing.

3) It contains sensitive information best communicated in person.

Here are a few examples of announcements that work just fine online: graduated, engaged, married, baby born, going on vacation, new job (as long as your current boss already knows, of course), bought a house, finished the crossword in Sunday’s New York Times. Some things you may want to play closer to the vest: a sudden death, an acquaintance going to rehab, the details of your ongoing divorce, a scathing opinion of your child’s private preschool. Comments about these matters are almost always improper in a public setting—you wouldn’t shout this stuff in the middle of Times Square, would you?

4) It’s asking for inappropriate “likes.”

Brands and news outlets are often worse about this than individuals, but nevertheless, it’s best to avoid making the impression that you’re exploiting a tragedy for attention and clicks. Try to remember that “likes” and shares are are only a valuable currency in your own Web-addled mind, a consensual delusion of sorts, and that the sanctity of human life, such as it is, definitely outweighs the opportunity to “win” whatever media micro-cycle we find ourselves in at the moment. Believe it or not, the average person’s emotional range extends beyond a thumbs-up or withholding of same.

5) It involves someone who wouldn’t want you to post it.

Other people in your proximity may not share your devil-may-care attitude about personal privacy; do them a solid and ask yourself whether they would consent to being tagged in whatever you’re about to say. Even friendly ribbing can look like cyberbullying and explode into unnecessary drama. For that reason, too, you’re better off having any heated arguments far away from your Facebook wall, where randos can rubberneck, throw fuel on the fire, or screencap it forReddit’s amusement. We can’t imagine anybody has ever successfully hugged it out over the Internet, either.

6) It might get you fired—or prevent you from getting a job.

Much as you wouldn’t show up to a job interview in blackface and slurping from a classic red Solo cup, we’d advise you not reveal that behavior on Facebook. Because guess what? The last person who hired you—and the next—are on Facebook as well. It may not be fair that employers take your drinking or drug use into account when making hiring decisions, but that won’t stop them from doing it. Oh, and if you’re a teacher, you might want to steer clear of social media altogether, because your students will inevitably use it against you.

7) It’s intentionally antagonizing or stupid (i.e., a teenager would find it funny).

Perhaps you remember the Pennsylvania 14-year-old currently facing two years of jail time for mimicking oral sex with a statue of Jesus? Just imagine: if he’d had a better sense of humor, he wouldn’t have become fodder for the spurious “War on Christianity” narrativeFox News seems bent on peddling. (Besides, when it comes to casual blasphemy, you kind of have to be there.) The trick here is to put yourself in your grandmother’s slippers and decide whether she would approve of what you’re doing. No? Then delete or put it in a scrapbook. That way you can look back fondly on your dumb hijinx instead of apologizing for them.

 

From the Daily Dot

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Girls on Facebook vs. Reality

#1 You Ain’t Foolin’ Nobody!

Come on, we all know what humans look like when they wake up, and you sure as hell aren’t a martian, are you?

#2 Men are Realer

Women are more conscious of their looks, that’s just how it is. But ladies, please, do NOT cake on makeup before snapping your profile pic, it doesn’t do you any favors.

 

#3 I See Monsters!

Charlize on the left, the murderous hooker she played in Monster on the right. The perfect metaphor for Facebook vs. reality if you ask us.

#4 Gamer Girls

Gamer girls, in our minds, are the sexiest woman you could ever possibly date. In reality, they are closer to your bros than your hos.

 

#5 Head Shot

Cropping is the tool most frequently used by women before posting a picture on The ‘Book, fact.

#6 I Kneed Some More Cleavage

We want more cleavage, not more kneevage! Women, stop playing tricks on us, our hearts can’t take it any more!

 

#7 Again?

The knee/boobs trick is apparently gaining steam,but all you are doing is setting us up to be colossally disappointed in your actual rack, so who is the joke really on?

#8 Not So Smooth Now, Huh?

A keyboard allows our confidence to skyrocket, after all we can make ourselves into whoever we want to be. At a BBQ, you are just the average, chunky, aspiring accountant with below average looks.

 

#9 Face* Makeup

We are pretty sure this meme is talking about makeup you put on your face, but the photo editing women do to their Facebook photos to make them look more flattering should also be called Face Makeup.

#10 Ho Ho Ho

As much as we like the Christmas themed colors, she is bigger than our house! Preggers, schmeggers, let your bloated pregnant self flaunt it for all of Facebook to see!

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Funniest Facebook Fails

Sometimes Facebook is just too entertaining!

 

#1 She’s so Strogn

Guessing her friend’s name isn’t really “Angle” either. Who needs to spell properly anyway?

#2 Nice Pair

Sure, she’s playing dumb (we hope) but she didn’t post this to show off her sunglasses.

 

#3 Pre-Owned

Um… no thank you! That’s easily one of the nastiest posts that’s ever happened.

#4 Is This a Joke?

Let’s hope this is a joke, otherwise let’s hope the thieves clean him out.

 

#5 All the Attention

EVERYBODY has people like this on their page. It’s Facebook, not therapy.

#6 Eye Q

Some people just can’t be bothered with those little details like proper grammar…

 

#7 The Ol’ Switcheroo

That’s 10 points to mom and dad, zero for their semi-alcoholic kid!

#8 Things that Don’t Break

This is a pretty great list of things that won’t get broken if dropped on the floor. In fact, a heart would probably survive too.

 

#9 Flames of Jesus

You know what, that guy has a really good point. Maybe Jesus is trying to help the guy turn it around?

#10 A Woman’s Place

The only thing that beats a mother with a smart mouth is a mother with a smart mouth who follows her kids’ updates on Facebook.

 

 

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10 Examples of Facebook Getting Weird

#1 Doing Homework?

She’s at the school’s library for goodness sake, this is what they do there now. Nope.

#2 For ‘Safety’ Reasons..

A friend: “isn’t that what they put on small things”? Give that friend a medal!!

 

#3 Attention Wh*res

Right. . . Why would someone want friends to know she’s in the shower? ATTENTION.

#4 Family On Facebook

More times than not, a public shaming will come from family. Worse thing is family is family, and you can’t ‘offend’. . . especially Granny.

 

#5 The Drama Queen

The drama queen is a queen and don’t you ever try to out “queen” her.

#6 Obsessed Girlfriend?

Through our Facebook feed, we keep in touch with the pulse of culture. . . good, bad and plain WEIRD.

 

#7 Public Embarrassment

Facebook is kinda like school for some who apparently didn’t go to school.

#8 Google Search Please..

Too bad it’s a conflict of interest for Facebook to explain how to use Google search in their “settings”. It would save a lot of grief and embarrassment.

 

#9 Getting ‘Owned’

What’s a bullseye target for getting “owned”? Sentimentality.

#10 Facebook Boring?

A gauge to knowing when friends are getting bored, is when your posts begin to get punked.

 

 

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Facebook To Test Buy Button

Like, share…buy? If it pans out, you’ll be able to do your online shopping without ever leaving the digital confines of your Facebook page.

You Like, You Buy!

You Like It, You Buy It!

According to News, technology, and social media site Mashable, Facebook has announced testing of the feature “to help businesses drive sales through the news feed and on their Facebook pages”.

In a statement on their website, the social media giant said “With this feature, people on desktop or mobile can click the ‘Buy’ call-to-action button on ads and Page posts to purchase a product directly from a business, without leaving Facebook.”

Facebook has officially won the internet.

Facebook has officially won the internet.

Earlier this year, Facebook also announced plans to introduce more options for marketers, including a “Shop Now” button.

Twitter is also said to be experimenting with a “Buy Now” option.

I for one welcome our new digital overlords!